Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Cleavage, Kids and Jelly Babies
Wow, just had a jelly baby go flying down into my bra. Good job I sit in a cubicle and nobody was around to see me fish it out! My mom brought back an entire suitcase of candy from England last Friday. I’m in Jelly Baby, Flake, Hula Hoop heaven! If you read this blog with any frequency, you know that I eat entirely too much candy…and if you know me personally you know it all goes right to my midsection! (Might as well just slap it right on my thighs…it’s gonna end up there anyways). So, anyways, after I successfully fish this jelly baby out of my bra, I flicked it up into the air and it almost went sailing over the cubicle wall to hit poor Louise in the head!

I had to eat it quick before it caused anymore chaos…mmmm, Jelly Babies…

Taking Zeenee shopping tonight for the last of her school clothes…from what people tell me, the mall is busier than Christmas Eve…so that should be enjoyable. Z starts high school tomorrow morning. She’s going for orientation and it’s also picture day. I’m sure she’ll be up at the crack of dawn for a full course of primping.

Bella told me last night that she had a cramp in her stomach. Me being a smart-ass, quipped that maybe she was getting her period soon (she’s only 9, but she knows about these things…well, so I thought). She says, “well, I am a pre-teen you know Mom.” She figures that anyone between the ages of 9 and 12 is a preteen…not sure where that came from. I made some remark about the pre-teen thing, then she says, “anyways, I’d like to get that mess over with [the period] once and for all”…oh honey, do we need to have a looooong talk!!!

…and Budgie broke his glasses yesterday. To top off this magical time when the chequebook doesn’t stay closed long enough to drop a jelly baby down one’s bra…school fees, Girl Guides, Beavers, Judo, soccer…you, my evil-genius of a 7 year old male, have to go and break your $200 glasses! His excuse? “I just rested my head on the furniture and they broke.” Yeah right!

Epilogue: “He” just called me and in the midst of the conversation told me that if gas prices continue to rise like they are, I’ll have to start taking the bus to work instead of the van. Needless to say I freaked out and the divorce papers are being drawn up as I write. He doesn’t want me to drive to work then I’m not coming here anymore…ever again…ever, ever, ever...

Time until I’m back with my family: 2 hours, 21 minutes (I’ll either be picking He up at the bank or running him over…haven’t decided yet)

Laundry List: Put away folded clothes on dryer, coffee table and bedroom floor. Do two loads…wash, rinse, repeat…FOREVER!!!

Monday, August 29, 2005
Clucking Bad Hair Day
Gosh, I just went in the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Oy, you'd think the people you work with would tell you when you're having such a bad hair day that it looks like a rooster is living on your head!

I've got tail feathers and wings sticking out every which way. Better call my hairdresser and get me an ER appointment...STAT!

Time until I'm back with my family: 4 hours, 16 minutes

Laundry list: who the heck is counting anymore! Hubby finally realized, while he was off the last couple of weeks, how many towels we're going through in a week. It's inspired him to assign a bathtowel to each individual in the family and put a row of hooks up in the bathroom...we'll see how long that works.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005
My First Major Article
Last night I completed and posted my first major article on my new site. If you'd like to read it it's here: So Much More Than "Just a Secretary". Keep in mind that the site is like a newborn, so there's not much content there yet and the look of the site is very basic. I like the cleanliness of it anyways. I'll be adding new things to it daily as I write them. My Site Build It site submits my pages to all of the directories as I build them, so I'll be getting traffic there soon. I have been so, so busy with writing...I haven't had a chance to keep up with reading blogs or anything...

I took the kids back-to-school shopping yesterday (I had the day off!). My credit card actually set my wallet on fire...I have never used it that much in one day!

We had a plan. Start browsing in Wal-Mart at 9:30 and pick out some things we wanted to buy. Then head into the mall at 10:00 when it opened, look in our favourite stores for deals and head back into Wal-Mart when we were done with the smaller stores. Zeenee of course was having none of the Wal-Mart clothes...she wanted $115 runners (not on my dime have babysitting money and're richer than I am!), a $50 hoodie (I said I'd pay half) and some $40 jeans from Bootlegger (I bought her those). Other than that she'd rather go school shopping at the big mall in Burnaby with her friends..."Can't you just give me my money Mom?" I'm thinking about it. Considering she just got her high school registration papers in the mail today and we owe like, 12 million dollars in school fees, locker rentals, text-book deposits, pictures (picture day is the first day!), yearbook fees, athletic fees...Zeenee will be lucky to get a new pair of socks to go to school in this year! Oy, if this is high school college is going to kill us!

We ended up buying most things at Wal-Mart for Anabella and Budgie because, people, I know the "Wally World" is the big, bad corporation and all, but when I can buy my son a beautiful printed t-shirt for $4.17...seriously, the big, bad guy is getting my money! GAP Kids my children are not...and my budget is better for it.

Time until I'm back with my family: I'm here...just put the kiddies to bed.

Laundry List: Is someone secretly dumping their laundry at my house in the middle of the night?

Affiliate Marketing Update: 2 articles, 1 in the works, found many places to link...this is soooo exciting!

Thursday, August 18, 2005
Tara!!! I'm finally starting...
Note to Tara...I bought my Site Build It! program two weeks ago...I'm finally building my first site! I've brainstormed keywords til I was blue in the face, sussed out my content, planned my pages and now I'm finally building the site! I am so excited, but so extremely exhausted from all the writing and the big learning curve that building my site entails...oh yeah, plus working full time, spending time with the kids, keeping the house clean and remembering to shower on a regular basis...phew!

I only have three official pages on the site, so it'll be awhile before I make it public...I have a ton of work to do just to get to my 20 page goal (20 articles by the end of August...eek!)

So, to anybody else reading...this is why I haven't been posting a lot lately or reading and commenting at other people's sites (missing that part a lot). I'll try to get it all accomplished soon.

Monday, August 15, 2005
Newly Discovered Dangers of Reading to Your Children...
...or how Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ruined my son's hair...

So, I've been reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to Budgie for the past week or so. It's the first chapter book we've ever read together and he loves it! "Just another chapter Mom...just another page..." He gets so excited from the events that transpire in the book. I can see his mind formulating the pictures as I read how Charlie finally finds the golden ticket (his eyes light up, he jumps slightly beside me on the bed), how Agustus Gloop gets sucked up the glass tube (he laughs...his evil laugh). What I didn't realize is he'd take some of the story to heart and attempt to store his gum behind his ear, just like Violet Beauregarde, the gum chewing young menace...

I've just spent my first five minutes home from work cutting a sizeable chuck of gum out of his hair right behind his ear...

Reading, bah! Obviously somebody lied about the dangers of simply letting your children play video games and watch TV!

Here's the picture (forgot the flash!):

Hey, at least he has a lot more room behind his ear to store his gum now!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Telus is a dirty word
Just spent over 40 minutes on the phone trying to cancel our company cell phones…AARGH! If you’re thinking of moving to BC or Alberta in the near future, you might want to change your mind based entirely upon the phone provider we have here…Telus (it’s not like we have a choice either, they have the monopoly on home and business phone service). The Telus workers have been on strike for a couple of weeks and I recently learned that management has been filling these vacant positions…only this someone told me that they’ve filled 3500 union workers’ positions with almost 7000 people from management!!! I’m hoping those numbers were wrong…seriously, this is akin to the kind of numbers we’d like to see in our schools when we’re talking about teacher/student ratios.

• First I pressed “1” for English…I’d hate to be the French guy waiting for service from Telus. I’ll bet they have only one or two operators who can speak it fluently.

• Then I pressed “4” for business enquiries, “2” for cell phones and “666” for fun…cause that annoying-voice-lady was asking, yet, another set of questions and she was getting on my last nerve.

• At this point I had to tell the computer what I wanted to do. After considering saying something about shoving the cell phone up the annoying-voice-lady’s computer chip, I kindly answered “I want to cancel our account.”

• I was then transferred to Tech-Support, who transferred me to Sales (I didn’t want to buy more phones!), who transferred me to the Executive-in-charge-of-donut-purchasing-for corporate-retreats, who finally transferred me to Corporate Accounts…I tell you these menu systems pay for themselves don’t they?

• Now I’m speaking to a human! “May I have your account number?” she asks. “My account number is 789456123 and I’m calling from Widgets Inc.”, answers I.

• “And what is the name of the person authorized to make decisions on this account?” “Uh oh, D2bH? Harry? Maryanne? Oh, I know this one! Mort Fleabutt!”

• “Yes and what is the pin number on this account?” SON OF A…!!! I don’t know!

Anyways, it ended with her telling me I didn’t have authorization to cancel anything and I’d need to call back with the pin-number, when I had Mort in the room to authorize me to authorize the authorization of the cell phone cancellation and no, she couldn’t give me a direct line to the corporate office…I will have to jump through all the hoops again tomorrow…I sooooo hate automated telephone menus…

Imagine for a moment if the 911 service adopted this menu system…

• “Thank you for calling 911. For service in English press 1. French press 2. Punjabi press 3. Cantonese press 4. Mandarin press 5. Japanese press 6. All other languages press 7.

• “Welcome to the English menu! For Police press 1. For Ambulance press 2. For Fire Department press 3.”

• “You have selected Police. For Intruder press 1. For Homicide press 2. For Kidnapping press 3. For Theft press 4. For all other incidents press 5.”

• “Ah, so you have an Intruder! If he is holding a knife press 1…

Time until I’m back with my family: 1 hour, 6 minutes…three more sleeps til long weekend!!

Laundry list: Even though Zeenee’ best friend is finally back from holidays and they want to go out and do something together every minute of every day, I have her on board to try and get one or two loads done per day…but she has a life you know!!!

Running Rubbish: This smart chick has discovered that if you take dog-that-is-older-than-dirt with you, walking (not running) is the only option…and you can’t go too far, cause dog-that-is-older-than-dirt gets tired easily. Thanks for being you Cubby…have a Milk-Bone on me…

Sunday, August 07, 2005
Well, it's 9:00 on a Sunday evening and I'm left, as usual, feeling like I haven't done enough this weekend.

Don't get me wrong, I've been very productive this's not everyday I pull my washing machine and dryer out and clean underneath. If it were done everyday, I doubt I'd find so much dirt and mysterious scary things underneath! Big news...I have discovered where those odd socks go and it's not into a big black hole. Trust me on this, they are covered in dust underneath your dryer...waiting for you to discover them...and decide that you've already parted with their partner long ago...and throw them in the trash anyways.

Anyways, I cleaned the laundry room out yesterday and then made big plans to tackle Anabella's room today. If that mysterious black hole does exist, all the things have flown through it and landed in her room...I'd post a picture, but it would bring great shame to my domestic engineer reputation...horrible, great shame. I'd offer her room up for the Clean Sweep show, but I'm afraid they'd take one look and run would make for interesting TV anyways.

We ended up doing nothing today, after such illustrious plans like mowing the lawn and weeding the rock garden, but shopping for groceries and going to Ikea for lunch and browsing. Six hot dogs and three drinks (we share) for $5.62! We saw Zeenee's soccer coach there with his kids and asked him if he was there for the same reason..."where else can you feed three kids for so cheap!" he says.

And yes, before you health-nuts go getting all granola over me, I do know what they put in hotdogs...pig-skin, horses-chin, buffalo-butts and turkey-guts...I didn't say healthy, I said cheap!

Okay 9:11 and I still have to make some breakfast squares for this week (easy recipe compliments of my lovely MIL), pack my dad's lunch (my mom's in England and he's pathetically inept at such things) and keep reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire...I'm three books behind and desperate to finish before some yahoo tells me how number 6 ends!

Another four day work week coming up...I've booked friday off!

Friday, August 05, 2005
Meme - 100 Things About...
I've seen this on many blogs I've read and, seeing as I'm a big fan of lists, and, seeing as work didn't capture my fancy this morning, I thought I'd write my own list of "100 Things About Me"...

1. I was born in Munster, Germany.
2. My Dad was in the British Army.
3. We moved to Canada when I was three.
4. I am 33 years old and freak out every year that I get older.
5. 40 is gonna kill me.
6. When I am 46 my youngest, Budgie, will be 20.
7. That is the year “He” and I are buying a two-seater sports car…so nobody else can come with.
8. According to Zeenee, I was the second youngest mom at grade 8 graduation…the other mom had her daughter when she was 17.
9. I had Zeenee when I was 19.
10. Being a teenaged mother (even an older teenaged mother) is very scary.
11. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.
12. Zeenee lived anyways…thankfully.
13. We rolled pennies for milk when we were first married, more times than I care to count.
14. We still don’t own our own house.
15. We live with my parents in a big house that we’d like to buy someday.
16. We’ve done this for five years.
17. It’s worked out pretty well over the years.
18. Except for when I butt heads with my mother.
19. Real estate where we live is NOT CHEAP!
20. I’ve worked in a secretarial role for over 13 years.
21. I believe that it’s something I excel at.
22. I’m not a salesman…I couldn’t sell warm clothing to the Inuit.
23. I’m not patient enough to be a teacher.
24. Although I am a fast learner.
25. I’m also not a nice enough person to be a receptionist.
26. I swear at people after I put them on hold.
27. I am a redheaded, bull-headed Taurus.
28. I was born in the year of the Rat.
29. So was Anabella…she is very like me.
30. When Anabella is a teenager, she is either going to make me go very gray or kill me with her defiance and stubbornness.
31. I don’t have one single gray hair yet.
32. When I find one I’m going to jump.
33. I am an extremely proud Canadian.
34. I am a Liberal.
35. I am pro gay marriage.
36. I am pro-choice.
37. I am not religious.
38. But I do believe in ghosts (just not the holy kind).
39. The number one thing I’d like to see before I die is a ghost.
40. I love to walk around graveyards and read old tombstones…it’s very peaceful.
41. I walk up to our local cemetery often to visit the grave of Terry Fox.
42. I am extremely proud of Terry Fox and all that he did for cancer research.
43. I didn’t have morning sickness one time during all three of my pregnancies.
44. Compared to horror stories I’ve heard, my pregnancies were very easy.
45. Zeenee was 16 days late and 8 hours of labour. I had to be induced.
46. ‘bella was 13 days late and 6 hours of labour. I had to be induced.
47. Budgie was 4 days late and 3 ½ hours of labour. I didn’t have to be induced.
48. Spontaneous labour scared the hell out of me!
49. If it was legal in Canada, I would rent my womb out and be a surrogate mother.
50. If I could go back to school for anything I would take horticulture classes.
51. I love to garden.
52. Martha Washington Geraniums grow the best for me.
53. I am true-blue, minivan-driving, card-carrying Soccer Mom.
54. One of my greatest loves is watching my daughters play soccer.
55. I can scream very loud!
56. But I’ve never been red-carded by the refs.
57. I have been a Girl Guide Leader for five years.
58. I was a Girl Guide for ten years as a child.
59. I have met the most caring, creative, talented and wonderful women alive through Girl Guides.
60. I have two brothers, Gobbles and Freddy Fortine.
61. I am very close to both of them.
62. I have two nephews, Thursday (3) and Beans (1).
63. I have one niece, “O” (5 months).
64. I love being an Auntie…mostly because I can enjoy the good parts and give them back when they’re bad.
65. I would consider getting a tattoo.
66. I would pierce my belly button as a reward for myself if I lost 50 pounds.
67. Don’t worry it will never happen.
68. I wish I was more of a “hip young mom”…I am kind of frumpy.
69. I don’t think of myself as a fat person…the image of me is much thinner in my brain than real life.
70. As a result I am often shocked when I walk past a mirror or window.
71. Zeenee has a mirror in her room that makes me look ten pounds thinner…I do the “I’m too sexy” catwalk in front of it every day.
72. I am a very silly person.
73. My kids love it when my bum talks to them at bedtime…I wiggle it around and use it as a puppet (kind of like Ace Ventura)…and yes, that’s enough about that…
74. Zeenee and I watched “So You Think You Can Dance” on TV last week, then made up our own dance routine…watch for us on the show next year.
75. Zeenee says that her family is not normal like other families, but she loves that we’re over-silly…
76. We compare ourselves to the Simpsons on a regular basis...Doh!
77. I can’t eat Chinese food…I think it’s all made of monkey brains and rat guts.
78. I don’t understand sushi.
79. I do understand chocolate.
80. I think chocolate should have its own category in the Canada Food Guide.
81. I lived in Calgary, Alberta for 23 years and still consider it my home.
82. I am a displaced Calgarian.
83. Calgarians don’t eat sushi…we eat beef.
84. My husband was my first and only boyfriend.
85. My husband is my best friend.
86. We have been together for 17 years…since we were 16.
87. I couldn’t train another like him…
88. I have never tried an illegal drug.
89. I have tried smoking…ugh!
90. Cigarette smoke is my number one worst smell.
91. When I was little I used to remove clean ashtrays from the tables of restaurants before I would sit down.
92. I don’t like to kiss my husband when he shaves off his goatee, because he looks like he’s twelve…kissing a twelve year old is bad karma…
93. I love taking naps on our trampoline…it’s better than a Sealy Posturpedic.
94. I used to love bouncing on trampolines…
95. Until I started getting black eyes from my large chest…
96. I was an A cup before I had Zeenee…now I’m a D…
97. My bra once landed on a police officer’s shoe…story for another day…
98. I type 70 words per minute.
99. I only think about 2 words per minute.
100. It has taken me a good part of the morning to write this.

I love reading these I'm tagging CHSIL, landismom, beth, momof2, Mrs. B, and're up next. If you've already done it, I haven't been paying attention...could you please bring it to my attention so I can read...thanks!

Time until I'm back with my family: 5 hours...yaa weekend!

Laundry list: many, many, many loads...spare a loonie for some Tide?

Running Progress: progress has not been made in this area...this has been our slowest moving product this year...

Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Thank you for calling Onstar!
Cue Announcer’s Voice: Here at Onstar, we’re committed to your personal safety, even if we think you’re a complete idiot. Listen to a replay of an actual call we took recently:

Onstar: Thank you for calling Onstar, how may I assist you?

Caller: I’m having trouble using the Onstar in-car phone system.

Onstar: Okay m’aam, can I just confirm a few things. This is Mrs. D2bH that I’m speaking with?

Caller: Yes, that’s right.

Onstar: Okay, I have you located at Clipper Street…blah, blah, blah, blah…Montana?

Caller: No. I’m not in Montana. I’m in Coquitlam. In Canada?

Onstar: Yes m’aam, I have you located in Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada.

Caller: But you just said I was in Montana!

Onstar: M’aam, are you currently driving a 2005 Ponitac Montana?

Caller: Oh. Yes. Yes, I am.