Monday, May 29, 2006
Skip, skip, skip to your room (for the rest of your life!)
This morning at 11:00 I got a frantic call from my Mom. Zeenee's teacher had just called home and told Mom that Zee hadn't showed up for first period. The teacher thought it was odd as she'd seen Zee in the hallway before classes, but she hadn't shown up for Social Studies. Mom was worried because she knew Zeenee NEVER SKIPS CLASS.

Subsequently, I went into a state of panic because ZEENEE NEVER SKIPS CLASS. Never in the fourteen and a half year history of my oldest child has she EVER skipped a class. This is a kid who pushes herself so hard in school that she beats herself up for getting a B+. She wants all A's and if she doesn't get em, she just works harder & harder the following semester until she achieves top marks. SHE HAS NEVER SKIPPED A CLASS.

So now my heart is racing and I'm starting to tear up as my imagination runs away with any sense of reason I may have possessed just five minutes ago. Where is she? Who took her? What's happening to her?

I phone her cell phone. No answer, so I leave a husky-voiced-trying-not-to-burst-into-sobs message. "Zee, where are you? You call me the second you get this message because we just got a call from the school that you were absent for first period and I'm frantically looking for you. Call me! And if you didn't get that the first time, CALL ME!"

Then I phone Cheap Bastard's work. His line is busy (Mom had said she'd phone him for me...but it's now been 2.3567 minutes and I can't wait any longer for some reassurance). I call CB's cell phone. Busy. I call Zeenee's phone again. No answer. I call the school. Get that teacher to call me at work pronto. Then I sit shaking. What do I do? Who do I call next? Should I start driving towards the school?

Then, five enourmous minutes later (seriously, could they make minutes any longer these days?), my Mom calls again to say that they've located her in Art class...second period. She didn't feel like going to she just didn't. SHE SKIPPED CLASS!

I guess when I tried calling CB at work, he was simultaneously on his work phone and his cell with Zeenee and my Mom. His words of wisdom to Zeenee:

"Didn't I tell you that if you were ever going to skip class not to get caught?"

What a wise old asshat he is! WTF! How about "you are so totally grounded for the rest of your existence for making your mother age 10 years in five minutes." Or, "you better decide what we're having for dinner, because it's to be your very last meal." Not "don't get caught"!!! He thinks we shouldn't be too hard on her tonight because it's her first offence and "we both know how many classes we skipped in high school" (we went to grades 11 & 12 together...rather we never went to grades 11 & 12 together, we were too busy doing other things...together). I don't care if he thinks it's funny or ironic or nothing to worry about. I want to nip it in the bud right now. Does he really want her to turn out like one of us? Are we breeding a whole new race of losers here or are we trying to mould well-rounded kids with good morals?

I guess I'm going to end up saying something "mom-ish" to her like, "you'll never know the extreme emotions I encountered this morning...until you're a mother."

...she's so grounded until she's 30!

"Please respect the privacy of my client, Skippy McSkipperson, as she struggles through the post-trial sentencing."

Time until I'm back with my family: 34 minutes...then I bring out the big guns on that teen-monster!

Laundry List: "Hello, my name is Zeenee. I will be your laundry maid for the next millenium."