Thursday, July 27, 2006
I never needed love

Remember after we first met in grade 11, how we'd sit next to each other on the school bus with our knees touching? We'd share the earphones from your walkman and we'd listen to "When I'm With You" by Sheriff all the way to school. Rewind. Listen again. Rewind. And again.

Like I need you

Remember how you thought my name was Becky for a whole week after you met me? You were afraid to call me by name, because you weren't quite sure if you'd heard me right when I introduced myself. Finally your sister told you that she was sure my name was Vicky and not Becky. You call me Vick. I prefer Vick.

And I never lived for nobody

Remember how you asked me to "go out" with you after that first dance in September 1988? I said, "yeah sure, I guess so." You said something about your poor bruised ego. When you asked the question I was trying to act aloof. I really wanted to climb to the top of the highest roof and scream "yes! I want to be your girlfriend! I am so madly, deeply in love with you I could probably throw my body from this rooftop, if you'd just ask me again! Yes! And yes!

But I live for you

Remember how we'd spend hours and hours driving around in your dad's truck, just talking? Even at 16 years old we had deep, meaningful conversations about our dreams for the future. How we wanted a family some day. How we were going to get married and be together forever. We knew all the way back then. We still have some of our best conversations in the car when we're driving long distances. They're some of my favourite times spent with you.

Ooh babe

Remember standing in the bathroom at your Mom's house staring at that pregnancy test after our trip to Banff? Remember we cried, because we were only 19 and how were we going to do this? I remember feeling that first twinge of happiness too, because at that moment I knew there were now two people in my life to love. I thought you might have felt that way too. After Zeenee was born I knew. You give perfect Dads a bad name. You are the best one.

Lost in love is what I feel

Remember how we struggled financially those first years? We rolled pennies for milk. We worked for ridiculously low wages. We fought a lot. I finished school after Zeenee was born. Then you went to school so you wouldn't have to spend your life working for minimum wage. You worked two jobs AND went to school! How did you live through that? How were you able to be such a good husband and father back then? You were. Things are so much better now, but I'll never forget how hard you worked for us. I admire you for that.

When I'm with you

Remember July 27th, 1991? I wore an ivory maternity dress and you had a perm! At the Devonian Gardens in Calgary, in front of 50 friends and relatives, we promised to love, honour and cherish each other for evermore. So happy that day. I never thought I could be more madly in love with you than I was then. I am.

Maybe it's the way you touch me
With the warmth of the sun
Maybe it's the way you smile
I come all undone
Ooh babe
Lost in love is what I feel
When I'm with you

Happy 15th Anniversary Sweetie.


Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Laugh, Wonder, Weep
Something that made me laugh today:

A story in the Province Newspaper today. No, actually a small blurb on the sidebar in the Province Newspaper. About a squirrel who broke into (stupid, drunk, vagrant, lawless squirrels these days) a Hydro station and zapped himself on the lines and basically threw Kitsalano into a blackout yesterday for a couple of hours. My favourite line: "The squirrel did not survive." Because, you know, we were all waiting breathlessly to see how things would turn out for THE SQUIRREL! R.I.P. Nutty McNutterson.

Something that made me wonder today:

A bumper sticker on the back of the car in front of me in the Wendy's drive-thru lane. I know. Wendy's again. Seriously, I have no other choice for food around here without crossing the traintracks and risking a noontime, 3 million car train that leaves me waiting in a long traffic jam and uses up my lunch hour for the next six weeks...and I had the salad! The bumper sticker said: "Kids who hunt, trap and fish don't mug little old ladies!" (it was by the BC Wildlife Federation...WTH?) So who paid for that study (It was the Canadian taxpayers again wasn't it Stephen Harper? I'm on to you!)? And how many little old ladies had to lose an eye because they were struck by some kid flailing a fishing pole around in the laboratory as the scientists were studying this freak occurrence in nature? And how do they KNOW that kids who hunt, trap and fish don't mug little old ladies? It's just so completely illogical. How do they equate one thing with the other? It's like saying "Kids who eat tomatoes, carrots and liver sausage don't turn into serial killers." I don't know. Maybe they were trying to be was put out by the BC Wildlife Federation after all. Aren't they against hunting and trapping? Then again aren't they all for fishing? The whole thing went over my head and I'm kicking myself for not getting out of my car and ripping the stupid phrase from that chick's back window. There, it's gone lady! Now I don't have to ponder the stupidity of it.

Something that's making me weep today:

I'm the only woman in the whole of North America who's not attending the Blogher Conference in California this weekend! Alright, that's a bit of an exageration. My next door neighbour isn't going either (but she's not a blogger. Wah!). Please note, I am going next year. I am going next year. I am going next year! Except I'm probably not because I think I'll be at a week long Guide camp next year at this time. I am so going to Blogher in 2008! Then I can go all stalkerish on Mir (smart, witty and of course, pretty!) and Grace (and oh-my-god-Grace-can-I-please-come-to-Woolfcamp-at-your-house-too-I'll-bring-you-a-present-I-love-your-blaaawg! And of course, pretty!) and Mary (the type of Mom every woman strives to be...beautiful family, well read, put together. And? Pretty!) and I'll woo them all with my brilliant persona (and my ability to eat at Wendy's 7 days a week) I chase them down the street with my camera and autograph book. And lo, if they'd only stop screaming. And running. And screaming, I could gush on all the damned day about how much I adore their writing. How they continually amaze me with each post. How I tune in every day to read about their lives. And, there will be others there and more others and other others, who I would be far too shy to maybe even say hello to, let alone run after them through the streets of San Francisco. But their presence alone would make me a better blogger. I know it would. Through osmosis or some such sciencey thing. So, I weep not to get to go this year. Who's with me for 2008? Or 2007 if the opportunity presents? Laura? (we could travel together and be the "BC Blogging Mommies"...or something much less dorky yes?) Anybody? Anyone? Those rumours about me getting violently airsick were purely fabricated... the BC Wildlife Federation...I saw it on a bumper sticker.

Time until I'm back with my family: 1 hour, 51 minutes

Laundry List: Well...not my running clothes, I can tell you that much.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Rain and Shine
I just cleaned my desk by spilling a full coffee cup of water all over it. Nothing like taking such drastic measures to get something done. It is very shiny now and all my pictures have been rearranged under the clear plastic desk blotter. I managed to dive in and save them all from the impending flood before they got soaked. In fact, I rescued my pictures before I went back in for the keyboard. Which is still working, because I'm typing right now...and only getting mild electric shocks from the W and Q keys. No more Wacky or Quality or Water or Quickies for a while. At least the spill saved me from getting overly involved in the work I was attempting to finish. We all need a break sometimes, whether it's to go outside and smoke or drink some coffee or grab some paper towels and clean.


Budgie made my exit from the house this morning much happier than usual:

Me: "Good morning my favourite boy!"

Budgie: "What? I'm your favourite boy? Why?"

Me: "Because you're my only son. That makes you my favourite by default. Plus you're the best guy I ever met."

Budgie: (wiping away a fake tear) "Oh my eye. It has suddenly sprung a leak! I must have something stuck in the ball of it."

Me: "It must be a goof-ball. Give me a hug before I have to go."

Budgie: (runs at me three times with quick hugs) "Hug...and another hug...and once more for good measure."

Me: "No, I want a giant, good quality hug."

Budgie: "How about an angel kiss instead." (I lean over and he gently wipes my face with his hand and softly blows one of his angel kisses on my cheek)

Me: "Why did you wipe my face first?"

Budgie: "I was preparing the surface, so the kiss would stick for most of the day."

...and so I left my van in the driveway and floated to work on a cloud instead.

Time until I'm back with my family: 4 hours, 43 minutes

Laundry List: Silver linings

Friday, July 21, 2006
Wow. I was just checking a comment on my blog and I noticed that my stats counter was at 7,777!

Today is gonna be good. It's gonna be real good!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Yes. Please Bless America.
America! You rock! We had such a fabulous time South of the Border last weekend. Seattle is GORGEOUS and I'm moving there. Period. Just as soon as I convince the other four important people in my life to do so too. Cheap Bastard had to agree with the Seattle love. We've come to the conclusion that anywhere along the West Coast must be absolute heaven (CB's been to San Francisco and can't wait to take me there one day), so after the kids move out (ETA 12 years) I want to go south. True, we will probably need a couple of million dollars by then to buy approx. 300 square feet of living space, but really who cares? You guys have Tivo! And outlet stores! And these really cool shaped oval tissue boxes that I just had to buy some of, because they were OVAL and ours are not and because they had metallic hippie-esque designs on them and ours do not. Yes, I bought two at Safeway on a whim, along with a travel Boggle game (cause we were travelling and yeah...because it was by the OVAL tissue boxes) and a four-pack of the cutest little bottles of Zinfandel wine. AT THE SAFEWAY! Where people buy food...they have liquor! WEEEEEEE! You Americans are fun. (Also? They have liquor at 7-11. By the Cheetos. Liquor.)

Our trip started on Friday morning with an hour long wait at the border. The U.S. border guard was quite friendly, although she did grill us about our jobs and made us open the van door, because the windows are dark and she couldn't see whether we were indeed transporting our three children or endangered species from the Canadian Tundra. It's so funny how thorough the US border is compared to coming home to Canada. The US border guard checked out all of our birth certificates and licenses, she asked CB and I about our jobs, she wanted to know the purpose of our visit and, of course, were we transporting any citrus fruit (which HA! Not likely. We cut off all access to citrus fruit the week before, just so none of us even had evidence of it in our bloodstreams. You can never be too careful). The Canadian border however, basically said "Welcome to Canada, eh! Please pass politely through." Damn and I had all my receipts and ID and everything ready to show them. I was sure the Canadian border guard would be impressed with my many purchases. Most especially the OVAL tissue boxes.

After the border we stopped for lunch in Bellingham where I was chastised by my teenager for ordering my sub on "brown" bread instead of "wheat" ("they don't say brown bread here Mom." *eyeroll* "They looked at you funny.") Then we were off to the outlet stores at Tulalip. Oh. Sweet. Lord. It was Nirvana. Zeenee bought Nike Shox that would cost us $170 at home for $59.99US. Bella got brown Converse runners and an outfit to match from Gap. Budgie bought a cap from Adidas and a green shirt (because it's all "go green or go home" with him lately. EVERYTHING must be green, his favourite colour). Cheap Bastard got...oh, probably something. And I got clothes from Layne Bryant, three new pairs of shoes and a new handbag and wallet. No, the handbag wasn't from Coach. I did go in (twice) and drool, but although I had the money to get something, I just couldn't bring myself to spend that much on a bag...I. JUST. COULDN'T. Oh the humanity. I got a beautiful black leather bag from Wilson's Leather and a wallet to match. I think it looks very chic, so I'm happy. Maybe I'll go the Coach route one day. One day when I maybe have three hundred bucks just sitting around doing nothing. Maybe.

Saturday we headed to the Woodlands Zoo in Seattle. Indeed, the most impressive zoo I have ever been to. The animals had giant, lovely habitats and were they ever animated. The grizzly bears were bounding about when we got there...and swimming! They have their own, fully stocked salmon stream where they can just reach in for a snack whenever the need arises. The baboons were swinging (although there was that poor hobo baboon we saw sleeping under a cardboard box apart from the other more affluent baboons), the apes were playing...hell, even the Kimodo Dragon moved a toe for us.

Budgie and Bella insisted that they needed their own cameras for the trip, so we had purchased disposable cameras for them with 27 pictures each. We went to see the grizzly bear exhibit first. And Budgie had used up all 27 pictures by the time we left the grizzly bear exhibit. And I just know there's gonna be a crisis when we get those pictures developed because the boy must have thought he was Austin Powers with that camera. "Yeah baby! Work with me baby! You're a tiger. No, you're a grizzly bear. Look at me. I'm not even shooting you. I'm not even pointing the camera at you. I'm just that good!" Budge would launch himself at the window with his camera at the ready and run, run, run, shoot. He didn't even plant his feet and stop before he would....CLICK! Oy, we're going to have many shots of brown blur and one sulky eight year old on our hands when those prints are developed. I'm so not looking forward to that. But the Seattle Zoo? Highly recommended. Just go there. You can thank me later.

Sunday found us downtown at the Space Needle, where the children assisted the City of Seattle by "supporting" their most recognizable attraction:

"Raise your hands if you're Sure."
"Daaaad! I, like, can't believe you made me get up here. Just, like, take the picture already. People are so looking at me. Like, grrrrr."

"Look at me baby! I'm a tiger. No, I'm a grizzy bear. Look at me. I'm not even hanging onto this thing. I'm that good!"

We didn't go up the tower, partly because the kids arms were tired from all that work and partly because Bella would have screeeeeched the entire way up and down. No heights for her please. Instead, we decided to go to Pike's Market via Monorail. That would be easy we thought. There were signs everywhere screaming Monorail! Monorail! Three dollars for the Monorail! Come ride the Monorail! (is that Simpsons episode running through your head right now? It was through ours.) So we head up to the monorail. Past the surreys for rent. Monorail! This way to Monorail! Up the walkway. Monorail! Up to the platform. Monorail! To a sign that said: "Monorail! This Location Coming Soon!" No Monorail!

So we walked the eleventy billion blocks from the Space Needle to the market. And my sister-in-law whined for the eleventy billion blocks to the market. Girl doesn't like to walk. I know from when we lived in North Vancouver and decided to start walking every night. The first night we started out on our program and the sidewalk dared to go five degrees uphill. She saw the slight ascent and quit right then and went home. Girl. Does. Not. Walk. And she soon realized that all those blocks we were walking downhill would result in a climb afterwards. And Girl was not happy. And all of us and Seattle heard about it. Thank God for the public transit system that delivered us safely and happily to our car afterwards.

We closed the Tulalip outlet stores down on Sunday and didn't arrive home on Canadian soil until 11:00 that night. OVAL tissue box sits proudly on the back of the toilet in our bathroom. A souvenier and a reminder of how much I want to go, next weekend maybe Cheap Bastard?

Time until I'm back with my family: 4 hours, 41 minutes

Laundry List: Still working through the many suitcases of clothes that I'm convinced are having babies whilst I'm at work this week. Plus the cat was mad at us for having the audacity to leave her at home for the weekend (she had a sitter. She got fed) she threw up on our bed. Obviously, that was my first trip to the washing machine as soon as we got home.

Thursday, July 13, 2006
One of the things that makes me gag, back here behind my cubicle wall:
Co-worker on phone:
"Hi Baby. It's 2:15 Baby, don't you think it's time you got out of bed? Well, that's why I left you 10 bucks, so you could get yourself something to eat. Oh BeeeehBeeee, I know you're a tired little guy but Mommy wants you to get up now and do some stuff. Okay, I love you too. You go out and get yourself some food and I'll see you in a couple of hours Baby."

Baby is a SEVENTEEN year-old male...her son! (No word of a lie. I just type that conversation verbatim. A daily occurrence around here...*shudder*).

...did you just do a little dry heaving too? Blech...

Time until I'm back with my family: 1 hour, 55 minutes

Laundry List: This t-shirt I'm wearing is covered in invisible vomit...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Our Customers Will Line Up For The Bling
My brother Ivan first discovered he had Diabetes by fainting in front of a customer while showing him around the machine shop. When he came back from the doctor's office that same day, my Dad had made a masking tape outline of Ivan's body on the floor of the shop exactly where he'd fallen, just like they do on TV at the scene of a murder. I tell you this to illustrate where I got my stupid sense of humour. My father is the culprit. He raised us on funny.

Ivan is psyched about this new Waterjet machine we're getting at the shop (the first of three giant pieces was delivered today...ETA on setup - two weeks). Whatever you need, he is convinced that his new toy will be able to make it. And his new toy will make it bigger and better and prettier and more unique than you could ever conceive it to be. We need a sign for the new shop. "You wait until my Waterjet gets here. I'll make us a sign. Customers will rave about our sign. They'll be lining up to get a sign like our sign!" The carpet in the new office is kind of grubby. "We don't need new carpet. I'm gonna put ceramic tile in this office. And I'm gonna cut our logo out of tile on my new Waterjet. Customers will rave about our tiles. They'll be lining up to get tiles cut like our tiles!" He has so many plans for this new machine that I'm getting the feeling that our customers will be lining up for a very long wait for their turn. He has a lot of plans to make stuff on his new machine that will not generate INCOME. Therefore, I was not surprised that the following conversation transpired the way it did the other night:

Vicky: Ivan, we need a wedge to keep that door open from the office to the shop. Could you cut me a piece of wood to shove under the door?

Ivan: "Pffft! I'm not cutting you a wedge out of wood. That's lame! When my Waterjet gets here I'm gonna cut you a beautiful door stop out of TITANIUM! It's gonna be so awesome...I'll even put a butterfly on the end of it. It'll be all etched out of the TITANIUM and, man, that will be sooooo cool. Customers will rave about our door wedge. They'll be lining up to get a door wedge like our door wedge!"

Vicky: Uhm yeah. You don't think you're taking all this Waterjet stuff a little far do you? Please, if you could just cut me a wedge out of WOOD I would appreciate it."

I then proceeded to bug him about the wedge for the rest of the evening, bringing it up in various conversations and cackling like the bitchy, older sister that I am. I would not let it go and it got to where you just knew that he was wishing he'd never said a word and just silently obeyed and cut the damned piece of wood like I asked.

So, he turned 32 today and this is what I made him for his birthday:

I got my Dad to cut me a piece of WOOD...out of WOOD...not TITANIUM and I painted it blue.

Then I made sure to add lots of bling...

And of course, a butterfly on the end...

Eek! Who are those young people getting married in that picture behind the wedge? And what is she wearing? Is that a maternity wedding dress? For shame, for shame. And what is on that guy's head? Does he have a perm? For shame, for shame.

In Pursuit of the Promised Land
We are heading down to the lovely United States for the weekend, where the shopping flows like milk and honey...and the wallets are emptied faster than the canteen of a wanderer lost in the desert. And the Canadian dollar is almost at par with the U.S. dollar right now, so CHA-CHING! We're leaving Friday morning at 9:00, so my Mastercard should implode sometime around noon. Zeenee can't wait, as she's been in need of some summer clothes since mid-June and we've kept telling her to wait until we go to Seattle because we'll get better deals there. Budgie and Bella made $25.00 each at our yard sale last weekend selling their toys, so they're already scheming about the booty they plan to buy with their windfall.

And can you say OUTLET STORES? Yeah, we don't have many of those up here and the ones that we do have are lame. Zee and I went online the other night and found an outlet MALL in Tulalip with...wait for it...100 stores! A. Hundred. Stores! Zeenee's best friend went down two weeks ago and bought Nike Shox for $49.00 at the Nike outlet store, so Zee is pretty pumped about going there. She also wants to get some Holister gear and look at some Converse shoes.

Me? I would like to plant myself in the Coach outlet store for the entire day, where I will stroke and pet all the various handbags and mutter sweet nothings into their zipper tags. Zeenee swears they're going to have to drag me out of there kicking and screaming, clutching a handbag and screaming "just five more minutes! I just want to HOOOOOLLLLDDD it for five more minutes!" She thinks they might resort to giving me the bag for free, just to get me to leave the store. So, I'll be giving that tactic a fair shot. It's ridiculous really. I had never even heard of Coach until I started reading Amalah about six months ago and now Amy has turned me into a raving "lilac-demi-D-ring-buttersoftleather-comes-with-dustbag-for-storage" maniac. I'm on ebay at least once a week drooling over the selections and wishing I could be the sole bidder on one of my favourites and score it for 20 bucks (Dreamer!). So yes, it's all HER fault for having an interesting blog that probably sends subliminal messages for the Coach corporation directly into a reader's osmosis or some such thing. I may have to sue Amy for damages to my mental state. Then I could use the money to buy some Coach bags.

Anyways, so that's what we're doing this weekend. Shopping!

...oh, and we're going to the zoo in Seattle on Saturday. But really, who wants to discuss a bunch of smelly animals...when there's shopping! And also? Who wants to spend five hours at the zoo on a Saturday when one could be shopping? Me, that's who. Cause I will be there for my children's see their adorable hazel/brown eyes light up as the lions and tigers and bears (oh my!) frolic in the summer sun (and I will keep telling myself that all day Saturday as the elephant manure fills my nostrils with pure joy!). Sunday will find And heading home sometime after midnight when the shops are closed (if we were to have it my way)...or knowing Cheap Bastard, sometime before dawn when the shops are still closed, thereby preventing me from spending the remainder of our mortgage, food and utilities money for the coming month (the kids, however, will probably have to find their own money for college after this weekend).

Memo to self: take birth certificates, marriage license, citizenship papers, last will and testament, drivers licenses, blood and urine samples, DNA records, tax returns for the last 7 years and passports out of files at home. Need to safely cross border...

...also, remove all citrus fruit from van to prevent body cavity search and seizure of assets. Those border guards must be allergic or anti-citrus fruit or something...

Time until I'm back with my family: 5 hours, 11 minutes

Laundry List: launder just enough clothes to get us down to Tulalip, where we will buy new wardrobes for all!!! (Cheap Bastard doesn't read here, but I'm willing to bet he just had a mysterious icy chill run through his entire body as I typed that last sentence...MWA-HA-HA!)

Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Found this meme (Which? Can you tell I love doing them? Cause I do) over at Mary Tsao's blog, Mom Writes, a daily favourite. You should read over at Mary's place. Go ahead. I'll take my break, get myself a coffee and wait for you back here. Oh, you're back? She's good eh? I totally agree.

Five things in my closet:

  1. Clothes

  2. Gift wrapping supplies

  3. Exercise ball (that is sooo fat, it won't even go through the door of our storage room...the closet is the only place it fits! It also doesn't come out of hiding a lot...hrmph)

  4. Purses and bags

  5. Deodorant, baby powder and perfume on shelf

Five things in my refrigerator:

  1. 2 gallons of milk (that will be gone in about 3 family loves the moo)

  2. Cut up pineapple, cantelope and strawberries (good for the WW diet)

  3. Chocolate frosting from Budgie's birthday. Which was February 18th. Which my husband recently removed from the fridge and asked "how old is this frosting?" Then he put it back.

  4. Diet 7-up

  5. Cheddar, parmesan and mozza cheese. Cheese strings, cream cheese. The D2bH family is all about the dairy!

Five things in my car van:

  1. Sunglasses

  2. Empty juice boxes

  3. Altoids Cinnamon Mints

  4. Folding chair for the Soccer Mom

  5. A "mystery box" on the back seat that Cheap Bastard must have put there last night after work. I got in the van this morning and wondered "what's in the box?" Then I pulled out of my driveway and prompty forgot about it until now. I wonder what's in that box?

Five things in my purse:

  1. Wallet with $1.16 in it.

  2. Keys on carribeaner (I use the carribeaner to clip my purse to the shopping cart at the grocery store, thereby making it difficult for a purse snatcher to run away with my $1.16. Just a little tip for my fellow shoppers.)

  3. Wet Ones. I have children. Therefore I have wet-naps.

  4. Five mints from Boston Pizza.

  5. Weight Watchers personal weight record.

I tag:

  1. Womanmoose. Girl, if you don't have the prettiest blog in the whole b'sphere! It's be-u-TEE-ful!

  2. LaLa's World.

  3. Heather

  4. Laura

  5. You!!!

Time until I'm back with my family: 6 hours, 1 minute

Laundry List: It's summer break and Zeenee has taken on most of the laundry. See, teenagers can be useful!

(What? Oh, you were expecting a real post? Maybe those pictures I promised. Yeah, maybe later today...or next two years from Tuesday okay?)