Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Picture This
Zeenee is having her school portraits taken tomorrow. What to wear? Oh, what to wear? And how should I style my hair? Smile or no smile? Teeth or no teeth?

I was just filling out the order form and was faced with a number of choices myself (like whether to buy portraits or pay the mortgage this month), the biggest decision being (who really needs a roof over their heads anyways) what background to choose (millions of people live without shelter right?) for our portrait "package" (the bank doesn't usually reposess after the first missed payment...right? Usually?). Our choices are limited to six different backgrounds, three of which we dismissed immediately. The losers are Slate (had that last year, Zee's wearing navy or brown this year...no Slate), Downtown (we're so totally too Uptown for Downtown) and Brick (just no).

Choice Number 4 is Arctic which, staple some wings to this chick's back and call her Liz (cause this beyotch is so obviously the perfect and popular cheerleader type from high school, of which they were always named Liz or Tiffany or Mitzy or Fluffy). No angels have flown up Zeenee's butt lately, so we're probably not going with Arctic.

Karma is interesting. Interesting in the way that having your picture taken in the deepest recesses of HELL would be interesting. "Okay smile like your ass is on fire! You look HOT!" Yawn. Fire and brimstone is so last year.

I think we're gonna go with Sky. It should compliment Zee's fashion choice well and her colouring against that background will be perfect. Also, when you live in the Vancouver area, nothing says "I'm a West Coast Chick" like having your picture taken with a scene from a typical spring day!


Friday, August 25, 2006
Sometimes the Paint program comes in handy
"Ew Mom! I'm making a stupid face in that one. You are not putting that picture on the internet. I forbid it!"



...problem solved sweetie!

(Gee, and her brother and sister look so normal in this picture)


Because even if you can't be a stay at home mom...
...getting one day off work every two weeks to spend with your kids is totally worth it!

"I just don't understand why I have to brush my hair EVERY day. I brushed it yesterday before soccer practice!"

Steeeee-rike!

"Do you have these in a pump, say with a 2" heel?"

"Mom! You're messing up my technique. Put the camera down!"

"Budgie! Walk faster and don't look back. She's pointing that thing again!"


Thursday, August 24, 2006
Why you don't wear jeans to weigh in at Weight Watchers

...because when you step on the scale and it says that you have gained 0.2 pounds the ladies will chastise you for wearing jeans. "You don't wear jeans to weigh in!" they will exclaim. "Do you have anything on under those jeans? You could take them off." And because you are not willing to expose your flower printed Fruit of the Looms to the rest of the group you almost resign yourself to accepting the small gain.

...until your mother offers to take her lighter material shorts off in the bathroom so you can weigh yourself in those. And so, while your mother stands in the public washroom in HER flower printed Fruit of the Looms, you trot out to the scale in shorts that are three sizes too large BUT MUCH LIGHTER than your jeans and manage to lose 0.6 pounds. Victory is now your best friend.

...and jeans your mortal enemy!

(caveat: the picture above does not acurately represent my waistline in a pair of jeans. Obviously, I would not be caught dead in a pair this wrinkly. Otherwise the image is perfect)


Let's Try This
This morning I installed Haloscan comments on da blawwwg. I can prove it. Look below this entry where Haloscan auto-posted "Haloscan comments have been installed on this blog." See? Told ya. Let's try to be a little more open minded shall we?

Nice things about Haloscan: I receive your comments directly to my gmail inbox and I can REPLY directly to your inbox provided you leave an email address. NICE!

Horrible, terrible things that have happened to this blog as a result of Haloscan: Every last one of the comments left on this blog for the last year and a half have been eradicated...wiped out...nuked. HORRIBLE! TERRIBLE!

Your job as a loyal Desperate to be a Housewife reader and commenter is to go back and re-post every comment you ever made on each individual, well written, incredibly humourous post. Please don't forget the LOL's and the ROTFLMAO's and the "Vicky, you are incredibly humourous and delightfully perfect" comments that you all made before. I'm sure you have every word burned on your brain and can accomplish this task in mere hours, maybe even weeks. Hey! You four loyal readers in the back! I see you trying to slither out the back door! Do you actually think I can't track you with my stats counter? I know where you live!

Thank you for your immediate attention to this matter. Should you have any questions or concerns please contact the writer on the comments page.

(Please don't hurt me!)

Time until I'm back with my family: 5 hours

Laundry List: Hangman's rope, "Just Kidding" sign


commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.


Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Question...
Has anybody had trouble accessing the comments on this blog? I'm not asking because there's been a lack of comments (the norm is 2-3 per post), but because when I try to click on the comments button here at work (and sometimes at home) it won't open the comments window for me. And that is when my mouse takes the most abuse...what with being thrown against the [soft] cubicle wall and the amount of pressure my index finger puts on the left clicker button when it. just. won't. open. the. window. dammit. dammit! Sometimes if I refresh the window then it will open the comments and sometimes if I swear really loud it will open and sometimes if I sacrifice a virgin chicken and throw the entrails at the screen it will open. Sometimes.

If you've had the same problem with my blaaaawgg could you please email me in the complaints department at: procrastamomATgmailDOTcom

Thanks for doing your part to help save innocent livestock.


And there must be sleep or somethin in my eyes...
Holy Mother of Scrambled Eggs! Why did I agree to come into work at 7:00 this morning? Did you know that most people don't get up that early? I know it to be a fact, because I was one of the only people on the roads in my small city at 6-freaking-thirty in today's a.m. The good news is I get to go home at 3:00. The bad news? I will be napping by 3:20. And I may not be all the way home by then.

Thankfully, it's Wednesday and tomorrow is my last day of work for the week. Tiny miracles.

Well, I've got the Wednesday Advice Smackdown all loaded up in another window and a fresh cup of tea by my side. The Advice Smackdown is my weekly crack...I should feel better in twenty minutes or so.

Time until I'm back with my family: 6 hours, 27 minutes

Laundry List: Wash teacup, refill. Don't share crackpipe (sharing crackpipe = meningitis...Zeenee and I know it for a fact. We read it in a pamphlet)

**Isn't that kitten gorgeous? I got the pic from an email that MIL sent me. I think my cat, P-Marie, would have looked just like that as a kitten. I don't know for sure as we got her from the SPCA when she was five months old. I have the pic on my desktop...cheers me up when I have to buck up and actually look like I'm working.


Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Infrequently Asked Questions
(cause none of my four readers ever actually asks these questions, but I'm forcing answers upon you in order to clear my own head. Okay MIL actually does ask when I'm going to post again. So these are the questions the other three of you never really asked.)

What did you do this weekend?

Thanks for asking! I had quite the interesting weekend actually. On Thursday night my sister-in-law mysteriously stuck around at our house after Weight Watchers to hang out and watch TV. It didn't seem mysterious at the time, but now that I think about it...hmmm, maybe she doesn't actually like my company as much as she let on that night (ha, ha, of course she does. Who doesn't? Seriously, show yourself!). Anyways, about 9:30 the doorbell rings and my Dad gets it. He calls to my Mom that her anniversary present is here and I hear her squeal. You know that squeal, the one that sounds like oh-my-god-the-best-thing-just-happened-and-it's-so-cute-like-a-new-puppy squeal? That's the one. She calls down to me to come quick and see her surprise, so I go running upstairs thinking "we got a new puppy! Yaa, what I always wanted!" Turns out to be my brother, Freddy Fortine, from Kingston, Ontario who just got home from Afghanistan a month ago. My Dad and other brother manufactured this surprise for my Mom and got him to come out and visit for the weekend. Which, yaa! They also tried to get him to bring his new girlfriend, but she couldn't get away from work. And did you know I was actually glad about that, because if they'd have dared to spring this new person upon my house without me knowing about it I would have been devastated. Have you seen my house on a weekday? No. Because I would never let you in on a weekday. There should be quarantine tape around my house during the week, because I have about as much time to clean it on weeknights as I do to look after a new puppy. Which I didn't get as a surprise, but seeing my brother was just as good (I'm just saying that puppys are nice too. Don't get all defensive like that). Anyways, that's why my SIL stayed late. She knew about the surprise! In fact everyone knew about the surprise except my Mom and me (and the kids of course because they could never keep that kind of a secret). I felt like Pheobe being the last one to find out about Chandler being bitten by the peacock at the zoo.

Friday was spent in the emergency room with Cheap Bastard. He's fine now thanks, but I was quite worried about him for a while. He's pretty upset about it still, but I think it's more about the fact that he and my brothers were supposed to rent a speed boat that day and instead he found himself being poked and made to wait and prodded and made to wait and x-rayed and made to wait. I called in absent to work and waited it out with him...and read most of my book in the meantime...so there's that for positives.

Saturday my Dad and brother treated all the adults in the family to a dinner cruise. I threw up. The End.

Sunday we said goodbye to Freddy, who had to get back to his job of killing innocent paper targets (or whatever they actually do in the Canadian Army. Riding in helicopters that regularly fall out of the sky? Eating donuts and talking hockey? Drinking beer and watching peep shows? Freddy says it's all classified information).

Why won't you elaborate on the boat cruise?

Because it's just embarassing that I can't ever get on a large boat without losing first my equilibrium, then my stomach and finally my pride. I couldn't eat the beautiful food that was put in front of me. In fact, I'm willing to bet that I will never be able to smell salmon again without feeling like I need to vomit. I couldn't even enjoy the drama of the cruise ship down the straight that was on fire. With real smoke and everything. The captain said we might be called out to help with rescue efforts (because I guess all boats in the vacinity are responsible for rescue efforts? Not sure I fathomed that right, but I'm a prairie girl by upbringing, so the rules of the sea are not my specialty. Might explain my stomach's aversion to all things nautical eh?) and all I could think about was how much longer I would be stuck on this floating nightmare if we had to do that.

Were there ANY highlights from the boat cruise?

There was that thing where Freddy presented my parents with an all expenses paid cruise through the Carribean. My Mom looked like she had won the big bonus on the Price is Right. That was a good moment. Then I ran down to the underbelly of the ship (galley?) and threw up again.

Okay, let's get away from this boat cruise thing. Why haven't you been posting here much?

Indifference? Yes, let's go with that. Or procrastination? Definately procrastination....and indifference. I think of great posts when I'm either on the toilet (ew!) or driving. Since I can neither post when I'm on the road or on the pooper, my fantastic, brilliant, awe inspiring thoughts drift outta my brain and into the atmosphere...where they climb ever higher and higher until they reach blog heaven. These thoughts are then stolen by the angels for use in their popular celestial blogs, for example "Wind Beneath My Wings" and "True Halo Confessions". Seriously though, when I sit down at the computer to write these days I have NOTHING. And my blog? I go back and forth between being sad and down enough to press the DELETE THIS BLOG button and totally euphoric because someone was kind enough to email and tell me how much they like what I write (Thank you to everyone who's done that. You make my day every time!). Right now I'm contemplating a name change because I'm not really feeling the "Desperate to be a Housewife" vibe anymore. I'm never going to be a SAHM. I work. I will always have to work. I'm coming to terms with that. I have to try to be happy with that. I need a new name for my blog (not to mention a Typepad platform, so that I can leave Blogger behind). One that describes me in the now. Not what I wish, but what I am. Suggestions are welcome. I'm rolling "MomFreak" around right now.

Speaking of working, have you started working for your Dad's company yet?

No. Plans are for me to take over the position on or around November 15th. The girl who I'm doing payroll for here comes back from her operation then and I hope to not have to train anybody new before I leave (so I'll be handing in my notice an hour before I pack my desk). She can just come back from her bedrest and take over her old job and I can go skipping along on my merry way. I do have a new desk at the shop though! And a new red pencil cup! Which goes to show that if you whine to your brother enough about not having a desk and what am I gonna sit at in three months and where oh where will I store my pencils -- he will take you to IKEA and buy you a beautiful beech and chrome desk and a red pencil cup (with a garbage bin to match!). Now that that's been taken care of you can start bitching about not having a computer.

Why are your posts all over the map?

They're that bad eh? I'm not even drunk.


Time until I'm back with my family: 1 hour, 27 minutes

Laundry List: Buy self a surprise puppy. Don't tell self what kind. It's a surprise.


Wednesday, August 16, 2006
A penny for your thoughts...how much to do my dishes?
We were just discussing kids and allowance at lunch. One of the guys was asking at what age we started giving our kids an allowance and how much did they get a week? He has a five year old daughter and they're trying to teach her the value of money.

I can't remember when we started giving any of the kids an allowance (I think we started Budgie last year when he was 7, but I doubt we started that early with Zee. It's just that when Budge saw Zee and Bella getting money for chores he wanted to participate too), but I do know what they get now.

Zeenee, age 14 1/2, gets fifteen dollars a week. She does a ton of chores for that money from laundry to dishes every night to keeping her room spic n'span (sometimes...other days -like today- it looks like Al Quada tried to bomb it back to the stone age). She also makes a point of calling me at work and asking if there's anything extra she can do (I know! I'm lucky. I get it). This is usually followed by her requesting to go out somewhere with her friends, but at least she knows that if she offers to do extras she'll probably be rewarded with the permission to go. On these occassions she will usually offer to wash the kitchen floor or clean a bathroom. Zee has also been babysitting for us this summer break. CB has offered to give her extra money for school clothes if she watches the kids and keeps them on some kind of schedule (it helps to keep them off of the computer or from in front of the TV) throughout the day. Like I said in my last post, my mother is home for emergencies (and can we please not talk about that. Again, not ready. Cannot scrub the LOSER tattoo off forehead, no matter how much soap I use), but she doesn't do much more for them than keep them from setting the house on fire, so we're lucky to have Zee there keeping the kids busy. We don't require her to do this everyday because she needs breaks and days off with her friends. Cheap Bastard has a very flexible schedule, so he's able to work evenings sometimes and be there for the kids in the daytime and I still get every second Friday off. (Tangent...you are taking me off course!)

Anabella is ten now and she gets $7.00/week. She's not so great at chores and has to be reminded...A LOT, especially to stop being so pokey. This kid has amazing wheels on the soccer field, but manages to make snails look speedy when she's clearing the table. She hasn't mastered the concept of piling lots of stuff in her hands and taking them all into the kitchen at once. She'll make three trips to put away the ketchup, the salad dressing and the salt! Regardless, she does eventually get her chores done. They include clearing the table and rinsing the dishes after dinner, wiping the tables and counters, putting the "pill" in the dishwasher (dishwasher tab) and keeping her room clean (which for Bella means stuffing everything into drawers, closets, under beds and behind stuffed animals on shelf. Anything for a "clean" look).

Budgie, at eight, earns $5.00 a week for taking out the garbage and recycling everyday, searching for dishes throughout the house after dinner and keeping his room clean.

So, yes. We basically make a utilities payment in allowances every month at Casa D2bH. That's okay though, because every day after dinner I get to sit and relax with my cup of tea whilst my busy bees buzz around me removing the grime. Ahhhh.

I guess the question of the day is: What, if any, do you give your kids for allowance? And at what age did you start giving them one?

Time until I'm back with my family: 2 hours, 31 minutes

Laundry List: Is it still illegal to launder money? Because I have an allowance payment to make on Friday and I'm running a little light in the pocketbook.


P.S. This is the funniest thing I have read all day. Nay, probably all year! As my kids get older they don't say as many hilarious things as they used to...I guess I can live vicariously through other bloggers' youngsters.


Monday, August 14, 2006
Day in the life of this Mom
Another idea taken from Mary of Mom Writes. She got it from Sheryl of Paper Napkin. I thought it would be interesting to record a typical day for the future...when I've won the lottery and I'm cruising the high seas on my yacht with my family and I want to remember what it was like to be a lowly working Mom. Or you know, something to read in my old age.

5:23 - Alarm goes off for first of many times. The time is really 5:16, but I like to have my clock set seven minutes ahead forcing me to do the math and realize I have more time to sleep than it appears. I'm kind of whacko like that. I also prefer that I press snooze for at least half an hour...again, giving me more time to sleep. I didn't have a very restful sleep. Last night I took the kids to see The Devil Wears Prada. My dreams were filled with Jimmy Choos and pretty handbags and Meryl Streep. My new catchphrase is now "that's all." I will use it at the end of my emails and phone calls instead of goodbye. People will like me even more than they already thought they did. Press snooze every nine minutes until...

6:09 - It's really 6:09 now...the clock says 6:16 and it's time for me to get up. I slip a sweater over my pajama pants and slip into some flip flops. I won't be getting out of the van on this trip, so I don't need to look pretty. Fill and turn on kettle. Drive Cheap Bastard to train station.

6:35 - Return home. Make breakfast of peanut butter and banana sandwich with coffee (instant, one sugar) and record points in tracking book (5 points). I'm totally on the wagon this week. After two weeks off galavanting and camping and lounging and eating my body weight in S'mores, I have amassed an extra 4.8 pounds that I need to lose fast. Prepare and pack lunch. Eat breakfast and read paper.

7:15 - Run around frantically throwing clothes onto my body and hoping they match. Style hair with brush curler (it actually looked good today) and put on makeup. The overall look will have to do. Wonder why kids haven't stirred yet. Budgie is usually bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6:00ish. Must have been the late night at the movies. I don't dare look in on them, especially Budgie. He has a tendency to wake at the slightest noise and he'll jump out of bed before his eyes are fully focussed and stumble around crashing into furniture and walls.

7:39 - Leave house 19 minutes late. Pray that the traffic gods are on my side. Leave kids sleeping soundly. My Mom is in the house (yes, we still live with my parents. Can we please not have this conversation today. I don't feel like jumping from the nearest bridge right now), but we have put Zeenee in charge of the kids for most days of the summer holidays. We pay her extra allowance and she plans activities and meals for them for the whole day. She's really quite good at it as she's prepared charts and schedules and everything. She'll make a fantastic mom some day. I hope she has the opportunity to stay at home with them though if she wishes.

8:00 - The traffic gods answered my prayers and I arrive at my desk right on time. I'll have to get myself back on schedule in September when everyone returns from holidays and kids go back to school. The roads almost triple in traffic and then it'll be back to being stuck bumper to bumper for 40 minutes or more each morning.

8:03 - Organize work. Monday and Tuesday are exclusively payroll days, so I put everything referring to other jobs away. One of my bosses stops by my desk. He has just come back from Hawaii and has brought everyone presents! I have a choice between a fancy chocolate bar or a dirty pen. Due to my diet and perverted mind I choose the pen. Tip pen upside down and the guys gonchies disappear. Tip pen upright and the gonchies reappear. Tip. Penis. Woohoo. Tip. Penis. Woohoo. Repeat ad nauseum. Finally settle into work, sneaking peeks intermittantly at the pen and my blog list. Read Mir, Yvonne and this fantastic post by Mary (exactly the issues that I've been thinking about this blogging thing lately, but written so much better than I ever could have expressed. I try to compose a comment, but everything I write falls flat. Maybe she'll know how I feel if I send the thoughts psychically).

10:29 - Go to kitchen to make a tea and get a snack to stop the shakes I'm having. My blood suger is on overdrive. Back to payroll.

12:05 - Have lunch (soup, cantelope and water). Discuss cancer, peeing in pools and the dark side of buffet restaurants with colleagues. We're a wicked fun bunch.

1:20 - Holy Mother I have to pee right now! Three glasses of water at lunch have caught up with me. Run to bathroom only to find it occupied. Hop around hallway cursing under my breath until occupier abandons her post. Ahhhhhhhhh.

2:04 - Zeenee calls to ask me to pick her up some Midol after work. She's mad at me. The other day she was all whiney and clingy and I predicted that her peiod would be coming in the next couple of days. She says she hates it when I'm right.

3:11 - Attach safety notes to all the guy's pay statements. Read about how forced air can blow an eyeball out of its socket and how "air that enters the body opening can burst internal organs and cause slow, agonizing death." Squig out a little.

4:00 - Leave work on the dot of four. I'm nothing if not punctual! When I get out to my van I notice that I'm still wearing my green rubber finger for leafing through paper. When I'm at work it's attached to me like an extra appendage. Add it to the growing collection in my cup holder.

4:11 - Stop at Safeway for Midol, tortilla chips, Jello Cheesecake cups and Nutri Grain Granola packs. $17.87...I get away for under twenty bucks. Score!

4:24 - Arrive home. Budgie greets me at the door and Zeenee pounces seconds later looking for her pain relief. Cramps are a bitch. Budgie claims that Zeenee tried to starve him today by making him eat only fruit and Zoodles. Then. Then! She made him do exercises on the trampoline. Appease him by offering a cheese string. Mission accomplished for now. Watch the last half hour of Oprah.

5:05 - Cook dinner. Burritos. Listen to Zeenee whine "burritos agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain!" Keep cooking. Record points in tracker.

5:30 - Eat dinner out on deck then relax with tea while the kids do cleanup. A couple of weeks ago we had some guests over and they commented how well organized we had the kids with their after dinner chores. They know how to earn an honest week's allowance.

6:20 - Take Anabella to soccer practice. She made the select team, so she has practice throughout the summer on Monday and Thursday nights.

6:30 - Sit in the sun on the field, update notes (for this post) and start reading Away by Jan Urquhart. It's a bit of a tough read, but I'm captured by page five. Practice is over early as the coach gets stuck at work and one of the Dad's has to fill in for drills.

7:30 - Sit down at computer to bang out this post. Sneak a peek at True Wife Confessions, then get to typing. It takes forever.

8:28 - Cheap Bastard has asked the two youngers to get into their pyjamas and brush their teeth. They can be heard goofing around in the bathroom, so he sends me in to play bad cop. Take the exercise ball away from Budgie and coax him into brushing his teeth. Tuck them both in with many kisses and licking of noses and general silliness. Walk out of each of their rooms while calling out the same message. "Love you. See you in the a.m. not the p.m! That's all."

8:54 - Finish typing this novel and post to Blogger. Off for a bedtime snack and then a shower. Lights out at 10:30ish. Lather, rinse, repeat tomorrow. Goodnight!

...that's all.


Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Did you disappear? I haven't seen a post in awhile here!
Why? Why does cat urine have to smell so incredibly bad? And why? Why would Vicky use that as an opener to a post?

Because I've just spent twenty minutes on my knees soaking up cat pee with a full roll of paper towels and cursing like a sailor at that Tabby fiend! Don't ask me how she manages to pee UNDER the cat box and not IN IT. What do I look like... Houdini? I know why she did it though. She's a bitch. She's spiteful and sneaky and cranky and horrid...and she's mad at us for daring to leave her for five days, then come home on the Thursday and leave her again after an hour for another three days. It's just me and her in the house this week and I have poured on the love. Poured it on...but she still feels the need to stab me in the back and make my house smell like a meth lab on a hot day. She's lucky I haven't sewn the end of her tail to her ears and used her as a purse! (please do not forward this post to the SPCA. I will refrain from storing my wallet and keys in my feline. Promise)

--------------------------------------------------

So, where have I been for the past twelve or so days? Camping at Cultus Lake in Chilliwack, BC with my brother and his family and some friends of ours.

When we pulled in to register at the provincial park the warden said, "lucky you. You guys get the most coveted site in the park." This sounded like good news and as we drove in we realized why she'd said that.


We scored a double site 50 feet from the lake! We could hear the water lapping the shore in the morning and because that made me want to pee, I was especially grateful to be less than 100 yards from the bathrooms (flush toilets with showers! Much appreciated by Zeenee and her teenager friend she brought along. They only used the showers 45 billion times in the five days we were there...they also brought their straightening irons. Camping! But that's a post for another day).


This is the tent city we constructed in under 11 hours (okay twelve, but we had to stop for refreshment breaks every four and a half minutes...mmmm, beer). The strong nylon walls were in place to protect us from giant, mutant pink, yellow and green snakes as witnessed here. I managed to snap this one basking in the afternoon sun. That's our tent on the left. The teenagers were too cool to sleep with the 'rents, so they had their own tent as far away from us as they could get. Zeenee's friend brought one of those instant pop-up tents and they challenged us to a race putting up the tents. Our multi-pole mansion against insta-tent. We won. Cause their tent was packed on the very bottom of all the stuff in the van. Ha, ha...nyah, nyah! I am 34.


On the Tuesday, we rented a boat and went tubing.

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I have to stop here and say how much I am hating Blogger right now. Hate. I am trying to link my pictures from flickr and gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Anyways, the rest of my camping pictures are located here. Question. How do the rest of you link pictures from flickr? Do you use HTML or is there a quick way to link from flickr and have them show up on your blog. Blogger is very unreliable about posting pictures. Until I have the cash to switch to Typepad or Wordpress, I'm stuck here though.

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We had a fantastic time camping from Sunday to Thursday. Then, as I said, we came home for about an hour and then drove the kids to the Okanagan to stay with their Granny and Poppa (MIL and FIL). They are staying until Thursday....Cheap Bastard is out of town training on the new machine with my brother in Seattle...

...and I am stuck here by myself with this evil cat. Anybody want to buy a purse?

Time until I'm back with my family: Kids=2 days, Husband=3 days. I am so lonely and tired (and the cat is staring at me. She wants to claw my eyes out, I just know it). There's no-one here to remind me to go to bed and I have been staying up until well past 11:00. Anybody want to come over and eat salt n' vinegar chips with me and watch the first two seasons of Friends? Help me remember when to turn in? Anybody?

*Ha, ha. Anonymous...I just got your note as I was writing this. When am I posting again? Right now baby!

**PPS...thanks everyone for the well wishes on our Anniversary. I got taken out to dinner at Eastside Marios and then we went to see "You, Me and Dupree". I highly recommend it! Ooooh, also? Cheap Bastard, my usually cheap husband who won't buy two-ply toilet paper even if it's on sale for cheaper than the one-ply, wants me to start looking for a ring. With a real diamond! Oh the horror that is my life!


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